I try to never meet and associate with people in groups larger than about 4 (and even that is three too many for me unless they are friends, in which case the number is unimportant, as long as they all know each-other), because it is my experience that people have strong reactions to me, positive or negative, and I'd rather handle that in low numbers.
I have sometimes thought that my trouble with people is that they are prone to misunderstand me, either my words, or my appearance or my general intent, whatever.
I am now convinced that I was entirely wrong about that.
The problem is that I make myself TOO well understood. And when people understand me, bad things happen.
People fill in what they don't know with what they want. If they like you, they generally assume you agree with them. And people general encourage this by keeping their opinions to themselves, or asserting those opinions softly and quietly, just to assure they do not offend.
I never learned to do that. If you ask me what I think, I tell you, without the probing many engage in, to pre-vet the reactions to their opinions. I assume a person who asks my opinion actually wants it, and that is a mistake. When people ask for opinions, they are generally looking for reinforcement of their own opinion. After they know me for a few minutes, either they hate me, or that expectation changes. People who know me don't ask unless they want an answer.
It sounds arrogant, but it isn't. It is reality.
It is why my employment record is so sporadic. I do not know HOW to kiss ass (or flirt, or smalltalk). And it is not a good quality, it is a horrific curse. If I could do it, by this time in my life, I would be in a position in which I no longer need to. I am not in that position. I need to, and I can't.
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