Dick Cheney sodomized with a rusty wire whisk by angry waterboarded ex-detainees
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Secret Origin of Humanity revealed! Aliens return to earth to harvest republican conservative brains. Xenospokesman Louboo Smarmeling tells us that "It is a culinary miracle! When we first terraformed your puny little planet, we were thinking 'apetizer', but when we came back to see if you were ready yet, we were surprised! You humans, especially you conservative republicans, have the best tasting brains of any known world, and we have sampled many"
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2 comments:
republican brains would taste gross though. so I guess Aliens would like gross things!
Actually, it is the restricted blood flow that adds a piquant and delicate flavor to the brains, especially when sauteed with fragrant green onions.
You see, compassion, especially for one's fellow beings, actually makes the brains too chewey. We find that of all the sentient creatures we have sampled, peaceful, generous peoples have thoroughly repulsive flavored brains, while constant warmongering softens up the gray stuff (we think so that the creatures will be more succeptable to commands from their superiors). We have actually designed several species of sentient beings for maximum brain flavor, but the experiments were unsuccessful, in that they completely destroyed themselves within several generations.
For example, the bladderbeasts of Legandria 8 were so tasty they were served to the XenoDictator himself, but they wiped themselves out in a crusade against all of their own kind with shortened left thumbs, untill all that remaind was the LeftThumbiest of them all, who himself died in a fit of apoplexy over the lack of any close relatives to torture, maim and kill. The XenoDictator declared an entire year of mourning over their loss.
LOoubou Smarmeling, XenoSpokesperson.
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