Accident

I pull into traffic
and glance into the mirror
my entire life is following me
in a little blue car

As if coordinated
planned
the SUV strikes the little blue car
just as I look in the mirror to check on them
and my entire life shudders, groans,
and stands still for a moment
in the rearview mirror

Freeze-frame
time stops
and I spend an eternity
with my terror
and my first thought is
this is backwards. I was supposed to be following her

But she was following me
it made sense,
I knew the road and I needed gas
so I led.
It should have been me
that took the hit.

Thirty feet separate me from my family
and I run it after haphazardly parking
I am looking down
because I don't want to see
until I am there

step
faster, run faster, fat pig
step
my pants are falling off
and I slow down to hike them up
and and I hate myself for it.
step
please let them be alive
step
my fault, my fault, should have waited
step
I look up and see her, she is alive
step
can't see him, shit!
my son!
step
if I hadn't been frustrated,
step
and just wanting to get home
step
I would have waited, looked
step
but no, arrogant jackass has to do it HIS way
step
where is my son?
step
I see him in the back seat
step
he looks fine
step

I reach the little blue car
my hands on the twisted, bent metal
look into her eyes
and then down
her entire body
no blood.
In the back seat
seatbelt fastened
my son, stunned but unhurt.

I breathe